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Who can I turn to?

So, what is a friend? A friend, in my book, is someone that you can depend on, NO MATTER WHAT! I guess I really don't have a s many as I thought! In desperate times, I have only a few choice individuals that I can call on when I need them. Those few choice people I will tell my inner, most deepest thoughts, my darkest secrets, my most intimate encounters, only because I know they will go to their graves with what we've discussed.

I have been reaching out to you recently and I have yet to hear a response from you! I just need to talk, but I can see now that I am not as important to you as you are to me. Some of this stuff is detrimental to my health if I hold on to it, but I have no other choice. You have your own issues...

Why do we have friends? Why isn't everyone, that we come into contact with, considered an associate? Why do we trust people with our secrets? Tell me truthfully, are we truly friends or am I just so naive that I can't tell the difference?

I'm tired of trying to pinpoint who I can and can't trust. Let's cut to the chase... I consider you a friend, a confidant... so where in the hell are you when I need you?

WTF part 2

Ok, I'm cool with raising my kids alone... been doing it for 15 years without any assistance...Government or otherwise. I have 4 kids and 3 kids father's... Shit happens!

My oldest will be 15 on 11/26, My baby girl is 11 and my boys are 7 and 3. Needless to say, my boys have the same father!

My oldest daughter's father, we'll call him Earl, hasn't paid a lick of child support since the day my baby was born. He is over &80,000 in arrears. He has recently began receiving SSA & SSI benefits and guess what... My baby isn't getting any of that! Did I fail to mention that he has 3 other children, all of which are boys, and a wife? They're benefiting, but not his oldest child... WTF??? We went to court a few days ago, about this situation... The DA subpoenaed me, I didn't initiate this. They also advised me to go to the Social security Administration and file a claim on my daughter's behalf, which I did. Earl was shocked that I did that and he never advised the courts that he has a wife and children... he has to pay $93/mo in child support including arrears... he told the judge and the DA "I would rather have visitation instead of pay child support"! WTF!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

My youngest girl's father, we'll call him Robert, last saw her when she was 2 years old. He picked her up for the weekend and took her to his mother's funeral... That was the last time that he saw her. He signed away his parental rights. He was married when she was conceived and divorced shortly after, only to remarry and have another child. As I mentioned earlier, she is 11 years old, she will be 12 3/1, so she is questioning where he is... I track down his Ex-wife and have her contact him... The first thing that ignorant mutha-fucka says is "We need to get a blood test"! WTF!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?... Nigga fuck you! You didn't have any doubt when she was a baby, now you wanna be a jerk! Kiss my natural yellow ass!

Now this ex-husband of mine, we'll call him Johnny, has custody of our oldest son and I have custody of our youngest son. He has our boy on public assistance which required me to pay $733/mo in child support... to him, but he paid me nothing! WTF!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Not even the baby's daycare bill which is now $597/mo.

I'm just saying, I really know how to pick em'!

Family will always be the first to betray you!

This feeling that I am feeling is numbing. There is no other way to describe it. After giving her life and nurturing her for 11 years, this is the thanks that I get.

All of the things that you have done to me, the drama, the pain... the lies, the deceit... and with all of this I've done nothing but give you love. This, my loving daughter, is how you repay me...

First you betray me.... why? Because you were upset with me? Because you got a spanking? Are you kidding me??? You risk my and your freedom and the freedom of your sister and brother because you were upset with me because you got a spanking! You should be glad that I care enough to dicipline you. Some kids don't have parents that care enough to do anything.

Then, you tell the police and CPS that I bruised you and you are afraid to come home. Don't be afraid to come home sweetie! Home is the last place you should be afraid to go... however, The Children's Receiving Home is where you should be afraid to go... the people there don't give a shit about you. All they're gonna do is place you with a family that doesn't care about you and they'll get paid to care for you...with just the basics... food and shelter.

You need to remember that there is no love like a mother's love... and you've pretty much just pissed that away!


Mommy!