More confusion

Why am I feeling blue? I could tell you and you'd think I was being childish! As excited as I am about the new and old occurences of my life, I still tend to feel as if nothing is truly going in my favor. I'm reminded daily of how not intouch I am with what I believed were my truths...

I know that may not make sense right now, but I will enlighten you...

Have you ever seen something that you wanted, someone else had it, and you were told not right now? Well, that's what I am feeling right now. Do you think that is childish?

I see what I want, however it's not at arms length (not within reach), therefore, I can't have it! I feel like a kid in the candy store when the Now and Laters are $.10 but I only have a nickel... I can't get them. I have to settle for the Lemon Heads... it really sucks to be me right now!

I'm a grown ass woman with little girl issues... I am truly disappointed in myself and ashamed at the same time. The real problem is, I'm the one to blame for my misery. I really think that I torture myself, or could I be getting tortured... Maybe I'm being tested to see if I'll break... or will I remain standing...

Everyday I see something that makes my heart ache... something that makes me wish I were the one... something that makes my mind crazy... something that makes me cry... something that makes me sad... something that I want and can't have. I have never been so envious of anyone... never have I ever wanted to be in someone elses shoes... where do these feelings leave me? I'll tell you where! They leave me on the outside looking in... On the outside...

It's cold on the outside! I know how warm it is on the inside. I know how cozy it is in there too. I want to be on the inside. I don't want to be cold anymore. I want to feel the warmth... the tender love of the heart that beats inside, the gentle embrace of the forearms & the caress of the the hands... The endearing forehead kiss that made my body tingle... that's where I want to be...

I want to be the missing link in the chain, that when found, holds the chain together. The link that makes it strong. The link that makes it impossible to break... but only do I want to be that link, if the chain needs and wants me to be.

I am so tired of getting the short end of the stick. I want to be the winner for once. I want to get exactly what I want for a change. I always think about the needs of others before I think of my own and that's why I always end up the loser in situations like this. I want to be the one who gets the one that wants me... if he wants me... I don't want be confused anymore, I want to be happy! So very Happy, with my Guilty Pleasure in tow! I want you!!!